I entered into a physical understanding with specific expectations, I consented to protected sex, and this man took it upon himself to disregard the autonomy of my body and do as he pleased with no consequences. My message is that society needs to change the conversations around this new form of rape.
Education needs to exist in the developmental stages for young boys, so that they don’t grow up with this sense of entitlement.
Therefore, when my date took it upon himself to remove the condom without my consent, and without my knowledge, I was confident enough to know that it was wrong.
I interrupted the moment and confronted him, and that’s where it gets really scary.
I matched with a guy, older than me and the head of a company.
He had a charming smile and all his social profiles conveyed a cool, laid back, attractive persona.
For those who have endured this deceptive act, I urge you to participate in this conversation, because you should not suffer in silence.What I have come to understand, after many hours of mentally torturing myself and wondering how I didn’t notice something so obvious until it was too late is that—in a heightened state of sensuality, it’s easy to become completely absorbed in your partner—and even easier to get carried away in the act. Believe it or not, I have caught previous partners for being sneaky enough to slip off the condom mid-intercourse, or pretending to put it on underneath the covers.Sly, I know—but with little education around the issue, youthful ignorance, and a general lack of confidence—I felt it was my fault for being in that situation in the first place, and just figured, “shit happens.” As time’s gone on, I’ve witnessed and personally experienced various forms of gender-based abuse and sexual manipulation, so I’ve started to educate myself around these issues.There are a few general guidelines that are common knowledge for when you set up a date: tell a friend where you are, don’t go back to your suitor’s house on the first date, but if the night leads you there, always wear protection.
You can read all the terror tales on the internet, listen to all the advice from your teachers, parents and friends, but when push comes to shove (no pun intended) there is no way to arm yourself for this blind attack: now formally referred to by the as ‘stealthing.’If you’re unaware of what this new phenomenon is, allow me to shed some light with an anecdote from a personal encounter I had just last weekend.I decided that rather than internalising the self-loathing like I would have in the past, it was time to educate myself further.