How long should a couple talk before dating
"The biggest misconception couples have is expecting that [the vacation will] go smoothly without a hitch," Edwards said.
"It's so rare for that to happen, but that's the very thing that makes your experience unique.
Is this a "connective" vacation or one where we will spend some time apart?
After answering those internal questions, O'Neal tells her clients to approach the joint planning process honestly, beginning the conversation with, "You know me as long as I've known you, and we both know that I'm not good with a Plan B or you're not good with this, so let's not set ourselves up to fail each other." O'Neal believes this method immediately drops any pretense of the "perfect vacation," so you can have a more productive conversation.
So if something doesn't go according to plan, doesn't mean all is lost." To ensure an argument doesn't become the end of the world, or the end of the relationship, O'Neal encourages couples to agree on a "safe word" they can throw out in the middle of an argument "when you feel like things are getting heated," especially in public.
That safe word conveys to the other person, ""Hey, look, it might seem irrational, but this is creating something in me, and I just need you to be aware of that." It can also help someone identify that they've hit the other person's soft spot, and even if they don't agree, it can sometimes jar them into thinking, "OK, this person is having an experience." The safe word allows both people to slow down, step back from the situation, take stock of it, and stop them from simply "emotionally reacting," so they can get back on track.
"Another question Ruskin encourages daters to ask themselves and each other is: "What kind of vacation really is this?
Instead of assuming one way or another, it may be best to discuss costs and outline a joint budget.Even better, said O'Neal, is "if you can prepay for things" because "that will keep you from arguing about money." That being said, Edwards doesn't think it's necessary for a couple to talk about money.